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| How many times have people said that to me? Although I do enjoy some of the perks of being a girl and such, sometimes it is incredibly annoying, especially when double standards are involved. I'm a girl with generally more guy friends than girlfriends. I like to hang out with guys more so because they are just easier to chill with sometimes when you want to have a good time without the drama entailed when hanging out with girls. It's just drama-free fun that I enjoy. Not much gossip. More laughs and giggles. It's just simpler. Although, that's not to say that I confide in these friends. They are just friends I prefer to hang out with when I want to have fun. On the other hand, a few of my closest trustworthy friends, I've realized, are all girls. I confide in these few and we do occasionally hang out when possible although we don't do it often because sometimes that just becomes sickening even though I love them all very much. So what's wrong with me having "too many guy friends"? Well, for one thing, I've been called a "whore" indirectly by my ex and my previous ex's mother despite the fact that I honestly don't do anything sexually with these guys or remotely close but I guess that doesn't matter? On another occasion, a guy I have been recently seeing has concluded in his mind that I hang out with a different guy every night of the week because unfortunately, every time he calls to hang out with me, I'm already hanging out with friends I've known since high school. On top of that, a guy I am genuinely interested in getting to know after meeting for the first time a couple of weeks ago has told me a few days ago "You seem the type of girl to have more guy friends than girlfriends." That doesn't sound good at all. I've asked one of these guy friends for his perspective on the situation and has said that girls with many guy friends will never really get why there's so much hostility towards us. We view it as something that isn't terrible because if guys can have close female friends or many female friends for the matter, why not the opposite for girls? It's a double standard we can't seem to escape. Unfortunately, my most recent ex had a problem with me always hanging out with a couple of my guy friends I've known since high school while on campus in between class breaks. On the other hand, my ex had many female friends that he confided in and felt that he was justified in calling me a whore by saying that it's different because he doesn't hang out with them. That's great. It doesn't change the fact that the only people he texted were all girls and such, which, in all honesty, did not bother me until he started pressing the issue of my circle of friends against me. So why is it so tough for girls to be able to have a big circle of male friends? It seems as though we always seem to get a lot of beef for it from others while I watch some of my guy friends with many female friends get the green light for such.
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| When was the last time you sat down with someone close to you and told them that you appreciated their company? Their comfort? Their friendship? Their love and care?
One of my friends the other night decided to walk around Walmart with his friend with a camcorder and interview people random questions. It was a spontaneous thing for them to do; just a couple of college kids bored for the summer. Haha. Anyway, at some point, one of their questions was, "What do you think we need more of in this world?" Or something along those lines. One of the customers replied with something like, "I think people need to tell or show others appreciation towards one another. I don't think there's enough of that." My friend was actually pretty touched by that and it made him think more about it probably.
So here I am, 2:00 in the afternoon with something worthy of discussing.
I think nowadays, most people do take others around them for granted; that the friendship between them and their friends will always be there but as we often see, that's not very true. I'm actually not sure how often I do this but I do know for a fact that every now and then, I'd pop in a "Hey, I really appreciate that you're my friend, regardless of the things that may come in between us sometimes. I just really want you to know that I still care for you, etc." I may sound cheesy and I think when I tell my friends these things out of nowhere, they find me extremely weird. Haha. But it's within the moment when I say it so when I do say these things, I truly mean it. I love my friends and family, even enemies as well as much as I like to talk crap about them.
I love and appreciate my parents for what they have done for me, like putting a house over my head, a bed for me to sleep in every night, and all of those nice necessities. I know that sometimes I do get incredibly annoyed at them but that's just how it is. I love my parents regardless of how badly they may have treated me compared to other people's parents. Regardless, can I really hate them for what they did? Yeah, I may not agree but I'm still alive and it's not as though I've turned out to be a horrible person. It's given me more perspective on how much I should appreciate everything I have. Weird?
My friends, just like everyone else, have always been there for me. Or not. But again, I do appreciate them because the people who have walked out of my life as quickly as they've walked in have also left something behind for me to hold onto and those are memories as well as lessons and experiences worth holding onto and learning from. Our friends play the biggest part in helping us to develop and grow into who we are today. I am very grateful that I've always been surrounded by decent people, for the most part. The reason why I appreciate my friends so much is because they've helped me turn into a semi-great person. I have flaws but let's be thankful I didn't come out as an early high school dropout or a high maintenance, nothing's-ever-good-enough-for-me girl. Yes? All of my friends have added a different nuance of light to my life which has helped me tremendously in shaping my perspectives on everything. I only have love for them. A lot of love.
I'm sure some of you find it weird that sometimes I do appreciate the people who have probably hurt me in my life but in the same light, I think everyone can understand this reasoning. Just as well as we are shaped by the friends we make, we are also shaped by the people who have hurt us or led us into making not the best decisions for ourselves. These are the people who help us see that the people around us are the greatest people ever because maybe they weren’t so great to us and that we do not need to be treated any less than we deserve by anybody. These people are the ones who help us realize what we are deserving of and the people who we call our friends and family are the ones who will support this and with all this growth, in time, we will be able to solidify all of these experiences and confidently be able to say to ourselves, “Hi, my name is so-and-so, and I am a great person, regardless of what anyone says.” See how negative experiences can be turned into a positive one? I think this is why we should love haters, players, and such as well. They did contribute just as much to my life as anyone else did.
So how often do you tell let the people close around you know that you appreciate them for always having been there for you? What else do you think we may need more of in the world?
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| So, my friends were talking to each other a few nights ago and called me number 8 based on a little article called "8 Toxic Personalities to Avoid"
I'm never Enough Nelly. What the fudge? I'm slightly offended. What can I say? I never really thought I'd be considered that. They based their conclusion off of me complaining about the extra weight I gained in my belly even though I did want to gain weight. Also because I wanted male attention and got most of it from a guy who wanted to just wanted to hook up with me and run. I guess that's why they say be careful for what you wished for?
Meh. I'm really upset and offended right now because I know that pretty much I'm happy with what I have in life already. I'm sorry that my need for male attention came after I had gotten dumped. I'm sorry that I wanted to gain more weight but I did also mention that I wanted it to be more so muscule mass rather than fat hanging off my belly? I don't know about you guys but I'd rather not gain weight mostly out of body fat because that's not HEALTHY so I'm sorry I'm not happy with the weight I gained. I don't know who would be really. I'm already short. I don't need to look like a ball.
Ugh. Yeah, anyway. There's my overly sensitive rant.
Soo which one would you guys categorize yourself under? I'm sure everyone has a little bit of each but that doesn't mean that makes them soley that one personality. Yeah...
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| I haven't been blogging for a bit. Umm. Yeah. I don't really know what to write about right now. The weather's nice. IT's been awesome. I'd like to talk about myself but then I feel so narcissistic like that Haha Uh... Well, yeah, life's been pretty good. And weird. And great :) I'm having fun... So...
I hope you guys are enjoying Memorial Day and the wonderful weather, well, at least in my area. I'm taking summer classes right now too so yeah. I've been busy. Alright, peace friends :)
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| Hmm... I haven't been on for a while which is unusual but then again, I guess that's a good thing. Most of the time, I'm only on Xanga to rant and complain so I guess I haven't had much to say. Well, I did have another bad day beginning of the weekend but whatever now.
Another update about my loser ex. I still care. It's been 3 weeks now, this week now. This will will begin the fourth. Ugh... And since he's dumped me, he's already all over his best friend. It kind of makes me feel shitty, if you know what I mean? I guess it hurts because I really put my heart out there for him the second time only to have him just drop it and pick up the next one he saw. I feel like I honestly, sincerely, just wasted my time with him the second time. Just completely and that makes me so angry still because time is so valuable to me. Ugh. I'll eventually be able to let it go. We'll see in the next month. I mean, in comparison to most post breakups, this is probably my best progress.
On with life. The high school choir I've been a part of for four years is coming home tonight from Virginia Beach and I can't wait to see them =) Gonna make sugar cookies for them Haha.
I'm also planning on saving up to go on a road trip down south. My friends and I are not yet certain where to head to. Does anybody have any ideas? I definitely want to go to Myrtle beach or Virginia beach but I don't know what my friends think of that. I need to get away from New Jersey. I'm just getting sick of the people around me > >;;
Anyway. The weather is so nice out =) Gonna go enjoy it now. Peace =)
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